“Februus was the God of purification, and many festivals and feasts were held in his honor in
February, hence the origin of the name for this month. It was believed that purification made
way for fertility and creativity, known today as spring cleaning.”
I love to watch the light change on my morning runs; the contrast of the shadows created by the
trees, and the brilliant white hue of morning light, creates a dream-like atmosphere. There is no
movement. No wind. The spiderwebs reflect their neon borders on the tall silent grasses, while
the beat of the electric fence creates its own soundtrack. I love running. The space and the
quiet. The time to foster the nest of my mind, like a mother bird preparing for babies. Clean and
neat.
February and the journey into the new year. It’s the time we release all the promises we made
to ourselves on Old Year’s Eve and step into the truth and nitty gritty of our year ahead.
In the words of the Cowardly Lion, “True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid“.
As a community who have already embraced their deepest fears you have the courage to clean
out whatever is no longer serving you. But we need to keep working at that courage and remind
ourselves what serves us best.
I realised this weekend that regardless of how courageous I can feel, I can still bow to chasing
an elusive self, that is no longer there.
I found that being outside was possibly what I feared most. I have been on the outer lines of
parties for almost 3 years now, but this weekend was different. Instead of having the courage I
am usually privy to, I wanted to fit.
So, I had a little bit of mushrooms with the vibers of the evening, I felt like I could blend with the
environment. Neutralize my colors.
My newly landscaped mind went dark. I tried to fit my calm beautiful mind that has been
manicured into a space that I don’t fit into anymore.
I wouldn’t encourage anyone to go there, but I had a nagging voice, saying that I wanted to try
and see how it was after all the time, and to say the itch has been scratched, is sufficient.
Scratched, bled and now with a scab. I woke up on Saturday and was tired and felt shit, didn’t
touch booze, because I won’t go back there, but felt like my nest had been ruffled in a way I had
no control over, and I hated that!
I could not have the integrity I speak of so openly if I wasn’t honest with all of you. This was my
experience and I learnt from it and have ticked the box and won’t go there again.
The darkness consumed me because I gave in, and it brought out every insecurity I have. I was
the Cowardly Lion this weekend. I was thinking this morning how a sprinkling of fear is always
important. We were given these emotions to keep us in the lines of ourselves. When I use to
take drugs I could go for days, but there was always a fear that it would go too far.
Thats the fear that kept our ancestors in the caves safe from being eaten.
We try so hard to remove ourselves from ourselves, until all we want is to be back with
ourselves.
The lesson I had this weekend was, you are the person you have been waiting for.
It’s about you. You have the strength, it’s hard, we know, and it’s not worth the drop off back into
shit. It never is. I felt so awful that I had let myself down, but I needed to go there, it’s all part of
the journey.
The Lion had the courage the whole way through even though he searched for it
Thats the message of the book. You have it in you all along.
I realized that I fit into my box, I am my own brand, people know that what they get when they
get me is just me – original Pronutro. There is freedom in knowing who you are, comfortable in
our own skin.
In the cleansing spirit of Februus, lets sweep out our nests and do things that make us scared.
Shine your badge of courage and do something that reminds you how courageous you are.
I am going to play touch rugby against 21-year-old woman! Terrifying!
You are the person you have been waiting for.
Love you,
Sam
